This is my Nightmare
by Kpolk87
Summary: What happens when the hero cant save everyone? How does this affect the man behind the mask? Snowbarry


This is my Nightmare

Author: kpolk817

Twitter: kpolk817

Summary: What happens when heroes can't save everyone? Is this their nightmare? #Snowbarry

Big shout out to Caitlin51 on for beta reading my story! Go check out her page and read her work! It's amazing!

When people think about what it's like to be a super hero, they often think of the cool power and abilities, the cool tech-based toys, or the possibility of being famous around the world. I was once a member of that group of people.

I was fascinated by people like the Arrow, those people who would dive into danger without a second's thought about their own safety, willing to make that ultimate sacrifice for what they think is the right thing to do. They protect their cities and the people without asking for anything in return, not even a thank you is needed. There is a reason why so few of us choose to live a life behind a mask.

We do this to help people, but not everyone embraces us, some hate us, some fear us, while others want to kill us. We make enemies along the way while trying to do what's right. Some of those men are seeking power, others riches, while some are simply the definition of insanity. In the ongoing battle between heroes and villains, there is something that inevitably will happen; it doesn't matter if you're the last son of krypton or a scarlet speedster, superhuman or a regular human being. At some point it happens – you meet someone who can't be saved.

You might not be quite strong enough, or you're seconds too late to stop it and in those seconds that you are not able to stop it someone else pays the price. Families shattered, innocent loved ones lost when you fail. They look you in the eyes and in those eyes you see pain, suffering, and heartache. They want to know what good is it to have so-called "heroes" in this world if they couldn't save the ones they loved.

In that moment you question yourself and everything you have done. You start to ask yourself, "Can one man really change the world?" You start to doubt yourself and in this life we lead, that doubt can get you hurt or ultimately killed.

The thing people don't understand is that I'm human just like everyone else. Granted I have superpowers but I'm not bulletproof. Bullets won't bounce off my chest, so I can feel pain both physically and mentally. People tend to forget there is a man behind the mask. Very few people get to see the real man instead of the alter ego. Then there are even fewer who know what it's like to watch me walk around carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders every day. With that feeling on you every day it's natural to have nightmares, obviously everyone has them from time to time, but they are not like mine.

I can still see her face clear as day. Having to relive that moment in my dreams still haunts me till this day. It was the day that I wasn't fast enough. This is my nightmare.

"Barry, Grodd is downtown causing havoc in the streets, police are on the scene but the beast has already thrown two officers through Tanya's Bakery's window. The police scanner is going off and apparently an Officer Bryce Reid is calling for back up, but we both know they won't be able to stop Grodd. You need to get there now, " Caitlin said over the microphone while monitoring the local news anchor Erin Brady live on the scene.

"I'm on it Cait." I said, rushing out of the CCPD into the ally before donning the Flash suit.

With my recent run in with everyone's favorite gorilla, Cisco and I had fitted the hood of the suit with a more powerful chip so that Grodd couldn't toy with my mind again. This, however, was not the case with the innocent civilians in his way.

As I made my way toward Grodd's location, I see the wreckage left in his path, buildings destroyed , flipped cars, and people all in a mass panic. I had to put a stop to him. Once I finally arrive, things were out of control. The police back up had made it there as well two more local news reporters – namely, Caroline for channel 52, and Andrea Lang of channel 22. I had to think on my feet fast, since these people didn't know what he was capable of doing to them or their minds.

Hearing the words "Open fire!" I knew things had taken a turn for the worst. This is where my nightmare begins.

"Humans trying to hurt Grodd? Father doesn't like guns!"

All of the back-up officers that had been called in start to scream at each other as each slowly turned their guns on each other.

"Lauren, what are you doing! Stop it! Put the gun down!"

"I can't control it Kimberly, something is in my head! I can't control my body!"

As the trigger was pulled I made my move, pushing Officer Kimberly just out of the way of the oncoming bullets.

Shaking them both out of it, I turn to them, "Listen to me, he can mess with people's heads like you just experienced. We need to get this area clear because everyone here is at risk and we need to do it FAST."

Leaving the police to handle getting people out, I quickly disassembled their guns so no future harm could be done. I begin to slowly grab civilians and run them blocks away so Grodd couldn't affect their minds.

As the civilians start to flee, a few trying to get a glimpse of the gorilla started to turn on each other.

"Pitiful humans, how can a species so easily manipulated rule the planet this long? No matter, soon there will be a new ruler. YOU WILL ALL LEARN TO FEAR GRODD! Leaping from one car to the next, he began working his way downtown towards the city square.

I still had to take care of all the people at each other's throats under his control which took precious time as I had to separate them blocks away from each other.

Team Flash had been working on a tranquilizer potent enough to put Grodd down that was fitted into a slot on my suit's belt. Thinking things were starting to go my way, I reach into my belt for the tranquilizer.

In that small window of time where I was distracted a young girl had broken free from her mother amongst the chaos of the crowds trying to flee the area.

Tranquilizer in hand, I lifted my head to hear a woman's scream. "Jennifer! BABY GET AWAY FROM THERE! SOMEBODY HELP ME!"

In that moment that's when I saw her face, standing in front of Grodd with one hand grasping a teddy bear and the other holding out a small banana.

"You no afraid of Grodd?!" he asked, smashing a car windshield as he walked over the vehicle. "Grodd hates bananas." Grodd lifted his hand as he slowly made his way towards her. I knew the effect would be devastating if she was hit by his strength.

Launching myself like a lightning bolt towards the young girl, I tried screaming out to her, but in that moment not even the fastest man alive was fast enough.

As his hand struck her I had just landed my fingertips on her arm. She was sent rolling onto the pavement and I felt this feeling of rage towards the beast - a feeling I never had experienced before. Launching myself forward, I drove Grodd backwards onto the car before landing a uppercut to the gorilla's massive jaw and then injected him in the side of the neck with the tranquilizer dart. The effects of the drugs began to take over as his body drops down onto the street.

Jennifer's mother made it to her side, crying out for help because her daughter wasn't breathing.

Upon getting to the young girl, I cradle her in my arms looking to her mother. "We need to get her to the hospital. I'm the fastest option. I'll bring her to Central City hospital."

With a nod from her I was off, breaking sound barriers in my wake. Caitlin notices I'm not heading back to Star Labs but in fact the opposite direction.

"Barry, where are you going? Is something wrong?" she said over my earpiece.

"Cait, I'm en route to Central City Hospital, I have a girl in my arms who isn't breathing."

Rushing into the emergency room, I began to call out for a doctor. "I need a doctor over here this girl isn't breathing!"

After the initial shock that they were not dreaming, that the Flash was indeed in front of them, they took action, taking the girl from my care.

Pacing back and forth in the waiting room, Jennifer's mother turned the corner and walked straight towards me. When she got to me, she lashed out at me, slapping me as hard as she could before she broke down in my arms crying. She screamed at me saying, "Why didn't you save her! Why didn't you save my little girl!" as the male nurses secured her in another room. The doctors informed me they had called her time of death at 1:08pm. At this time I felt my heart sink deep into my chest.

Heading back to the one place I could think of, I found myself back in Star Labs standing in front of the punching machine Cisco had made. I was angry, no I was furious. Why did he have to go after a child! He should have gone after me! Did he have no morals or remorse? Punching the machine over and over started to draw the attention of Caitlin and Cisco as they slowly made their way in to see me punching the machine before I ended up flipping a table to the other side of the room, letting out my frustrations in a scream.

"Barry, are you ok man?"

Rubbing my temples with my hands, I turned to my friends.

"I'm fine guys, I just needed to blow off a little steam. I just could use a little time alone is all."

"Sure thing man, you know we are here for you."

With a fake smile flashed his way, Cisco turned for the door but Caitlin, she moved closer. She knew something was wrong since she had seen this side before. Without saying a word she sat down beside me on the treadmill and placed my head on her shoulder.

"I couldn't save her, Cait. Why couldn't I save that little girl?"

Running her hand through the hair on the back of my head, she pulled me closer.

"Barry..."

"Why Cait? Why her? Why did he do that to a little girl? I was RIGHT there. I wasn't fast enough and now a mother has lost her daughter. Isn't that why I do this in the first place? To make sure this city is a better place so innocent people don't get put in harm's way?"

"Barry, I'm sure you did everything you could do."

"Then why is a little girl dead and her mother's world shatted? I didn't do enough."

"Barry I want you to look at me, ok? You're not a god, Barry, you're only human at the end of the day, and that means you can't save everyone."

Pulling my head off her shoulder and looking into her tear-filled eyes, I knew what she said was right.

"While yes a little girl did lose her life, think about all the countless people who didn't die today because of your heroic actions, Barry. Look at how many people you have saved since you became the Flash. How many people have we found who have been granted gifts? A lot and out of that group how many of them are using those gifts to help people and not to destroy. Not a lot. Barry Allen, you are a wonderful man.

Caitlin leaned in and gave me a gentle kiss on the lips, then wiped away both of our tears.

"Don't ever forget the little girl, Barry, but don't ever for a second think what you're doing out there isn't helping people. You give them hope every day you're out there. You give me hope for a better tomorrow, Barry Allen."

Sliding her hand into mine, she looks me in the eyes and tells me, "While the world sees a hero in the Flash, I see the true hero in you, Barry. Never forget that."

While I still have nightmares of that day, I hold on to Cait's words. I've never forgotten the little girl, but I know I do everything I can. Just when I think I can't do anything more, when I stumble and fall, I can turn to her to get me through it. I don't think I'll ever get rid of the nightmares but I do know I'll always have her by my side to help me through them.

Author's Notes : Thanks for checking out my story! If you like what you are reading please feel free to give me a review or hit me up on twitter kpolk817. Plz Review/Fav and remember to go check out Caitlin51! She is amazing!


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